When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
