I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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