And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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