party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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