i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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