You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
