Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sarcasm needs its own font
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
