i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
