so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
