We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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