i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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