Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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