I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
