Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
