I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
