My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
