I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
