I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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