He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
