my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
