i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
