If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
