The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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