then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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