Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize