ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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