My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
