Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
