If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
