he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
