he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she peed on how many people?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
