Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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