you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is the high leading the old right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im part way to drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
