I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
