these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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