Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
