my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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