On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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