I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
