I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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