Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
