broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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