I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dicks are not precious.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize