if you like me you must not know who I am
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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