Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
