before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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