WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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