do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
