Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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