i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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