dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
