We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
