Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
