i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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