So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
