Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
