I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
