your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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