Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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