so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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