He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
