apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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