how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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