Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
