I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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