i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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