So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
