I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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