I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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