so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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