Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
