I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
