I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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