She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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