yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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