we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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