Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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