How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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