there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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